The Randomness that is Me....A Right to be Me......

The right that is mine..
To refuse to love..
To refuse to be owned..
To refuse to be locked up…
….In a meaningless relationship….
To run away from what I know..
Is trouble…
..What shall not yield fruit…I stay away from…
What shall not add any value to my life….
..I keep out eternally…

To avoid friends who are choking..
Unhealthy..detrimental to me..
..my well-being that I care for….Treasure
To refuse to engage in..
….Mindless banter..
To keep in touch..everyday..
..when I don’t feel like it…

To speak..even when there is nothing to say…
To engage in dull company..
To please the society..
To keep face..yet am annoyed..bothered..
..disgusted by them….
I refuse to be pretentious…I hate hypocrites…

Making others happy at the expense of me..
..a venture I will not indulge….
I refuse to sacrifice..I will not…
Compromise for the sake of them…
I am not obligated..
..they are not entitled to me..

My love..
My Kindness..My Generosity…
My sensuality..my passion….
My mind..my intellect..
I decide….
It’s my choice..to give or not to…
Its Mine...

The right to be what I want…
The right to stay alone..be silent..
Keep to my own….
No need to share..no need to say..
Where I am..what I am doing..
It's mine to decide….

They say its selfishness…
They say its self-centered..snobbish..
Mean, Cold….
I don’t care..
It’s my right..I am not obligated….
Please go to hell..Am not here to please you….

For its being me that makes me..
My choices to be how I am..
That gives me fulfillment..
Following my heart’s desires..
Loving me ruthlessly..
Guarding my independence….my space..
Cherishing my individuality….
Nurturing my esteem….
Keeping me safe…

It’s my right…let me be..
I owe no explanations…
Its mine..my right..my choice..Its ME…

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Nelson Mandela

I Moan With You... For You....

A somber day..
Things happened so quickly…
One minute things were better…
..The next minute he was gone…
No words to express...
The emotions felt...
blank stares...throats hurting...
trying to hold back the tears...
trying to be strong...
..No strength LEFT.....
Tears flowing..grief stricken....
Shock,disbelief...anger...bitterness....
Future seems bleak...What next....?

Same day,there is a wedding..
I must attend....
Celebrate the union of two people..
The skeptic that I am, doesn’t care for weddings…
..I feel guilty...for wondering if i will still get cake...
...i should be here moaning..feeling sad...
But what can i do here...am helpless...
The irony of this day…
One life ends….another begins…
Is that nature’s way of compensating??.
…..I wonder,...in silence...….


.Gone never to be seen again...
Only in Photos...memories...
The reality of it..
…...saddening…
Truly death is a bad reaper….
Seeing the tears….the grief in their eyes..
..A great loss...
A great life..coming to an abrupt end...

I cannot comprehend it..
Losing someone so close to you….
Ripped away from you in seconds…
The rudeness of Death..
The arrogance and blatancy of the Reaper….
No chance to bargain for more time..
.no time to say goodbye. to the ones you love...
The reaper’s business must go on……
…you have no choice..
No say…..


Going to a better place they say...
No more misery and suffering?...
They are now at peace….?
But are we selfish not to celebrate..
Wanting them to still be here.....
Stay to endure the tribulations in this world...
Should we feel guilty...?

..The dear loved ones left behind….
The emptiness…..
The void….no longer there to talk ,laugh with….
Left to accept the finality of death….


I moan my friend's loss..
I moan for the family…..
Not enough tears to make it better….
I can only offer comfort….
Cry together..Pray together..
For peace...understanding...

I feel a deep sadness….
....helplessness...
I wish i could bring your loved one back....
....But i cannot....
I do not have the power to do so..
..Even if i wanted....:(

Our dead are never dead to us until we have forgotten them.

GEORGE ELIOT, Adam Bede

May Your Soul Rest In Peace Pa.

The Sweet Forbiden....

My mind riddled..
..with the memories..pictures…
..You on my mind all the time..
I can’t seem to escape…
I am your prisoner…
The fierce force of my free spiritedness.
..rendered null..
Self-control unhinged....
Bound by your spell…
..am in a never ending trance...
I cant move...I cant speak...

Trying to stop thinking of you..
..An effort in futility..…
I try so hard..
But the more I try the stronger the pull....
You are tattooed…
..in my brain cells…
Your being flowing in my veins….
My heart palpitates with excitement..
..The thought of seeing you again...
You have possessed my whole being…
Not a second,a minute..passes by..
Without having sweet thoughts of you…..

I find myself saying your name out loud…
…when am alone…
I almost blunder…by calling someone else…
..Your name….
Confused I am…
..Scared that I might like you..
..more than I want to…more than you like me.....

Is it useless that I have ran away..
..all these years…?
Yet our paths cross again…
And I wonder is it fate..
Or cupids stupidity…?
The arrow has shot through my heart…
I feel it’s too late..
Can I pull it out..discard it…
Seal my heart…
Never to open it again …

I know it’s not a good idea…
I know that there is no future..
But still the likelihood of it..
Make me smile..
Thrills me…..

I fantasize about you….
When I touch myself…
I think of you…
Your soft lips on mine..
Your tender touch….
Your body against mine..
Pressing hard…
My loins burning…
Am on fire….exploding….
Consumed I am….perishing in this insane bliss….
I love..i lust..
I desire…I need…YOU…
But still; I know it’s a bad idea…
…a beautiful mistake…..


Please take me..I surrender...Consume me...