My Friend...I Seek...

A friend who listens…
When you have a problem..offers to help..
Provide solace when you are in despair
Not interrupt to speak of their own ishh..
Criticize and judge…
Such is the friend we seek...

A friend who offers support..
Provides a shoulder to lean on..
The strength that you need..when you feel weak..
The Armour when you feel defeated and hopeless…
A friend who gives you hope…..
Stands by you in difficulties…
That is the friend i seek...

A friend who is selfless..
Exceeds your expectations…
..sacrifices, compromises for the sake of friendship…
A friend who not only takes, but also gives….
That is the friend we need...


True, loyal,considerate and caring…
Not one who wants to compete..
Back-stab, talk ill…
Laugh at you when you are down…
Is envious of your successes…
Tries to sabotage….
indeed that's not a friend...

A friend who respects who you are.
Respects your space;your time....
Knows the lines and boundaries...
A friend who is dignified...
..one you are proud to call a friend...
Your confidant....your kindred spirit....


Such is the friend we seek,but sadly very rare...
You are surrounded by pretentious,opportunistic...
Self-centered ones...
..who only seek to bring you down...
Not caring what you are going through..
In hard times..they are nowhere
When you cry..you cry alone..
They are nowhere in sight..
..Only there when all is rosy...
Such are the friends who are in our lives.....

But i refuse to settle for shame..
I refuse to surround myself with falseness..
Negativity and drama....
I will wait for the friend I seek...
A true friend who builds not destroys....

Untitled....

Retreating back into the shadows..
Hiding away from it all..
Regretting the exposure..
wishing you could turn back time...
wishing you listened to the self-cautions..
....read the warning signs...
Your screaming conscience..trying to pull you back...
But you fought to go forward...
Defiance...foolishness...

Drawn to the danger..the enigmatic aspect of it all..
the supposed "happy" feeling you get...
The promises of excitement...life changing experiences...
...happiness beyond belief<------all lies!!
Attracted to what lies behind...the unsaid..unseen...unknown
..
Curiosity will surely kill..
But who cares...you dont care...
You insist on pressing on...
Believing you will handle it..
."My pillars for support are intact",you say....
Your grip tight..not to worry..you will be alright...

Then it all comes tumbling down..
You lose your grip...
Caught off-guard..baffled..confused..
Crashed underneath the pillars....ironical isn't it?
What is going on here?...you did not see it coming...
What a mess..everything destroyed...
Things will never be the same again...can never be...

You still try to be calm after the storm...keep up with the charade...
..But inside you are burning..like acid running through your veins...
It makes no sense...Everything seemed perfect...

Foolish child...the heart is not smart...
delusions..fairy tales...temporary insanity..
Certain things will never change...
After so many decades..its still the same old Bullshit...
You should have been wiser,but its too late...


You wonder and ask why..
...There are no simple answers..
Such is life...things are just the way they are..
No warning signs before you collide...
.No notice;that your life will be thrown into disarray...
Its not fair..its not right...
But life is not fair.....

From your superficial fantasies...
....to an everlasting nightmare..
Choking you..cant breathe...
You struggle to get free...but its too late..
The life is slowly draining out of you...
Your tortured soul floats away...
..In misery..dejected...
such an anti-climax...

And even in death you are still not free....forever bound...

You are YOU......Arise...

unfazed,unperturbed by the talk..
whispers..negative remarks..
putting you down..
trying to squash the you that you want to celebrate...

the mockery..the snide remarks...
The actions meant to hurt you...
frustrating your efforts..
As you try to make you better..
Positivity marred by constant bullying...

Self-esteem they try to break...
Criticizing your individuality...
What makes you unique..
Your pride..your mantle....

The inner beauty you exude..
unquestioned by they,who are genuine......
...BUT questioned by they who endeavor to kill who you are....
Your everyday smile...cheerfulness...
they try to wipe away..
bring tears..sadness..doubt...

Pulling you down..trampling on you...
squashing you like a worthless piece of shhhh...
pushing you to waste away in shame...
Ashamed of who you are....
hiding from what makes you..YOU....

....But I beseech you....

Do not agree to be brought down...
Arise,be proud....
You are wonderful...You are beautiful...
Love who you are..
No apologies for your uniqueness...
Never doubt your adequacy...
Walk tall...be happy...be confident...
Don't be swayed..don't be moved....

..Don't be deterred from fortifying the YOU....
You are important..You matter....
You are a gift of nature....
Your individuality is your power..hold on to it...
Do Not change,to please the simpletons..
So arise..Rise up high into the sky...spread your wings...embrace YOU....

Listen.....

Stop yapping and listen...
Stop whining about your problems and listen..
Stop humming silly songs and listen..
Be silent and listen...

Stop running around like a headless bird and listen..
Stop talking too much about others and listen..
Stop laughing too loud..
Drowning your friends tears..
..and listen....

Stop involving yourself in matters..
..that do not concern you..
Stop poking your nose around...
Stop minding other people's business..
conjuring lies..and Listen...

Stop squabbling with people every time..
..and listen...
Stop shouting..raising your voice..
hurling insults...spitting garbage from your mouth...
...And listen....

Stop playing the loud music...
meaningless lyrics..ear drum shattering beats..
and listen....
Stop the melodrama...and listen....

Stop being needy...opportunistic..
taking advantage of others.....
busy scheming and stepping on the toes...and listen...
Stop the games...stop the treachery....
..and listen...


Listen to your friend who is in pain...
Listen to the beautiful sound of silence
Listen to the last words of the loved one...
....who is dying...
Listen to the wise words....
Listen to the voice of reason in your head...
...listen to your conscience...
Listen to the calmness that comes with giving,kindness,thoughtfulness...


Stop....Shut Up...and LISTEN.....

Ode of a Skeptic....

The tears that you cry..
You cry every night..
Can you be heard?...
Trying to reach out..
No one there to hold you..
Embrace you..tell you all will be well…
Pain engulfs your heart..
You can hardly breathe…
So much pain..so much sadness..
How can love be so painful?…

Why should you open your heart ..
....Expose it to so much pain and anguish..
Frustrations…feelings of neglect..
Loneliness…
Ignored..unappreciated…

You love..You hurt..
No other way..
No one is perfect..
Expectations shuttered…
Amassed in Disappointments…

Asking yourself why..
Why fall when heartache awaits
How can the one you love..
Cause you so much pain…
Why can’t it be simple..easy…
No pain…just happiness
No tears…
Just bliss….boundless love…
Protected…fulfilled..
That’s what you wish…
But that; you do not get….

Should you stop yourself from searching?
Seclude yourself..be an island..
Is it in the nature..obligated to love..fall for?
....are you happier without the one?
So many questions..no answers…

Truth is…you want to love..
Be loved…
You want to feel relevant..
You want someone to care..
You want security...
Fulfillment..contentment….
Love is supposed to conquer all…
But it doesn’t….

To be free and alone..experience no pain…
Or love and open yourself to insurmountable pain…
A Whirlwind of heartaches…
Almost going insane from the never ending conflicts…
Losing your mind from the empty promises…
Tired of trying…being patient..waiting for it to be better…

Why is love not conquering all…
Because it doesn't...
Why isn’t love saving you from all this…
because its not the saviour of your hurt...
The truth is,it can’t..it won’t…

It's all a myth…a fable….
Centuries and centuries of deception….
Love gives you only pain…that's is the truth
It doesn’t change now neither will it tomorrow…
It seems meaningless if you do not hurt...
Then how can it be love...

So the skeptic says..but deep within, you still yearn for love…..

Excuse Me Miss....

Excuse me miss...
Can i whisper..
Something in your ear....



Or maybe you prefer..
me pulling you close...
squeeze you till u shudder...



or should i move close...
close enough to fill your lips tingle....



or should i just touch...
and not explore.....



Excuse me miss....
can i kiss your beautiful eyes....
or should i just put my hands..
Around your waist....



Or do you prefer...
i lay you down..
on the silk sheets....
and give you pleasure to no end....



Excuse me miss....May I....Can I...Should I..

She ..who makes me...

I close my eyes..i can smell you..touch you...



Your heart beat..every time you are close...

The pounding of your heart...makes me wet...

Your lips..soft....red and supple..just like fresh strawberries...



Your kisses..warm...

sweet and wet on mine...

I get paralyzed when our lips meet....

I wanna kiss you ..dusk till dawn....



Your sweet..ohh so sweet body scent..

Its like you soaked in jasmine all day..



Your soft chocolate skin..smooth like shear butter...

The tattoo of my name...on your lower back...



In those low ride jeans..

I can see the sexy dimples..just above...

Your beautiful ass....

two beautifully rounded cheeks...

I wanna squeeze...softly..and sometimes grab with intense passion....





With that white silk blouse on..

I see the outline of your perky breast..

Your nipples hard..so inviting....

I wanna touch them..

I wanna torture myself with the hunger to touch....



I wait...close my eyes...let my thoughts of you..

Engulf me in pleasure....

Its only me..with you engraved in my mind..

I touch myself...imagining that you are touching me..



Even with the distance....i feel like you are here..

Close...touching me..feeling me...

I ache for you every single minute...



You are my drug..am addicted to you....

Let It Rain...

The sound of the rain on the roof tops..
The fresh smell of the wet soil…
The mellow feeling inside..
Tucked in between the sheets…
Cuddling lovers..whispering sweet nothings..
Sharing the warmth of their bodies…
Time to share..
Cherished moments..sweet memories made…

The crackling sound in the fireplace…
The sound of thunder…
Swaying trees…dancing to the wind..
Pitter patter..raindrops on your window….
Nostalgic feeling…remembering..
The simple days…no complications…
When intentions were pure…unmarred..
Holding to that moment…
Never letting go…
Wanting to savor; freeze the moment…avoiding the now..
Now that things are sadistic, full of ill intents..
Manipulations…ungratefulness…
Deceptions…Malice…

Let it rain days on end…
Let me remember the sweet memories…
Good old days…happy times….
Please don’t stop the rain…
Am afraid when it stops…dryness comes..
Sadness….despair….
The sweet memories fade away….
The bitter memories take center stage…
Rain..please don’t stop…
I want these moments to linger forever…

Happiholic!!

Fulfillment is in kindness..generosity..
Giving without prejudice,
The joy you bring to another..
The happiness..the celebration you bring to another...

Satisfaction in the simple things..
Genuine gestures..no malice...
Untainted thoughts..intentions..
Loving who you are...
Appreciating that which is you...

Not obligated to care...
But because its a good feeling inside...
Touching people's lives..
Positive energy...
Laughter..peace..understanding..
Rainbows of good deeds...

Intoxicated with cheerfulness..
Dancing...singing...
Making love...passion...Romance...
Taking time to give a hug,holding hands...
Sit together in silence,watch the setting sun..

..the midnight call to say I LOVE YOU..
.Your love song playing on the radio..
..Sweet poetry...soul-caressing words...
Tender touches...warm embraces..
Soft kisses...mind-numbing pleasure...


Bliss..sweet dreams...
Smiling with no reason..
Overflowing with goodness..loveliness...
Everything is good...all is well...
Pure unadulterated happiness....

*Sigh*

Alone..yet surrounded with people
Trying to reach out...scream...no voice...
Void within your soul...your spirit in disarray...
Unattached...bare...nothingness...
No connection...dead as dry wood...

Empty spaces..
Lacking in jest..dullness..numbness...
No clarity...clogged up...
Suffocation...mental slumber..
meaningless conversations...
people's laughter...annoying and irritating...
You want to sit alone in the dark...
Embrace and drown in silence...

A need to cry..hours on end..
Something stuck in your throat..
You open your mouth..no words..only a sigh..
Tortured within your walls...
Something squeezing tightly....
Strung in hopelessness....

Sadness in the eyes..
Feeling desolate...emptiness...
Nothing to hold onto..you are alone..
You feel weak...no strength....
Desperate...falling off the wagon...
Need to get back..but no energy...
The life sucked out of you...
Empty shell...gazing into the dark...

Tired; oh so tired..
Need to sleep...wake up when all better..
Need the sunshine..Need the caressing feel of the sea breeze..
Need the laughter..the bountifulness
Need to feel whole again....

Hide..Keep Safe...

In the mind…Dark thoughts lurking..
No shame…uninhibited…..
Careless..care free..nobody can see..nobody knows..
The desires…buried within..
The world must not know…

The Dark secrets…shame…
No one can know…
You hide behind masks…
Fortified within..nobody can come close..
If they see; they will judge, criticize…mock you….

The heart barricaded…
Feelings suppressed…can’t express…
Fear of rejection…exposure…vulnerability…
Protecting your being…your weaknesses…

Must keep up with the façade..
Charades…acting on your own stage..
Role playing…hiding who you are…
Keeping the distance ..aloofness….
Pretending not to care….very cold…
No one can come close…no one can touch…
A legion of personas...
The real you shielded….

The ruthlessness of heartbreaks…
The pain of disappointments…
The gut wrenching act of rejection…
The ridicule of the masses..
The frightening feeling of being exposed….

Must protect…
Must hide…must keep sanity…
Must stay away from the ridicule…
Must retreat back in the shadows…
Suppress the darkness of the thoughts in the mind…
Must keep safe….
The only way you know how…is to hide…

Goodbye...

Mind flooded with thoughts..
Heart pounding..
A rush of blood in your head…
Palpitations..anxiety…anger..disappointment..

Questions unanswered..
Mysteries unexplained..
The instinct fails you…
Clueless..not even a whisper..
Will I know..Will I be told…

Something seems to be going on..
Something taken away from you..
Do you have to defend what you feel belongs to you..
Do you need to fight for it…
If its right..shouldn't it just be?...

Fate seems to be playing games..
Games that you don’t know how to play..
And win…
Stuck…Confused…disoriented...
Where to go from here
Which path to take from here…

When the truth comes out…
Pain lots of pain…
The heart gushes…blood…
Cuts like a knife…
Do you cry..do you wail…
Or do you keep silent..ignore it…

Knowing doesn’t make it better..
The truth doesn’t really set you free..
Betrayal…deceit….lies and more lies…
Silly games played…
Twisted…manipulated…
Selfish conquests…
Devoid of a conscience…
Driven by greed…selfish desires….

Friendship destroyed..
Never be the same..
The realization casting a dark cloud…
All this time…you were fooled..
Misled…Misguided….

And now…there is stillness..
Peace within..all resolved in the heart and mind..
Acceptance..embracing the reality…
No need to fight..no need to struggle…

Let it go..
Let it be….
Good riddance..Goodbye…Sayonara…

Memoirs Of A Beautiful Stranger..

Why should i give you my heart..
Yet i feel that you will make a travesty of it...
Handle it like the dust under your feet..
Trample on it and break it into little pieces.....

How can i trust you to guard my heart with your life..
When i can see you are careless....selfish..
You have thrown caution to the wind for anything i regard precious...

How can i share with you all that i hold dear..
When i see you will not appreciate it..
Taking for granted everything i hold close to my soul...
How do i give you my all...
When i know you will give me nothing......

How can i let you feel my spirit flow within you..
When i know it will be suffocated......
Dead...never to return...broken wings never to fly again....

How can i let you see my soul..
Yet every time you look into my eyes i feel my soul being gutted...
Gutted like an animal in the slaughter house...

How can i let you come close,feel my warmth..
Yet every time you make a step closer..
I feel cold as ice..freezing...trembling...
Draining the life out of me....

How can i let you have my beautiful body..
Yet i know it will be a conquest in your books..
Something to share with your friends...and brag about..
You will never treat it with majesty...
Neither will you treasure it and guard it like a precious gift from the gods....

How can i believe in a happy ever after....with YOU
Yet every time you make me cry and weep at night...
My smile fades away ever so often when am with you..
It seems like you endeavor to make me miserable....


How can i show you my emotions...
When i know very well,you will insult them...
Disregard them like garbage...
Trash them like they are worthless...
Spit on them as if they are nauseating to you....

I will not..I can not...i shall not.....I don't want to....

The Unspoken..

You want to open up..
Say all that is flooding your mind...
Every time you open your mouth....you cant speak...
....You are still waiting for the perfect moment...
You don't want to run your mouth like a lunatic..
You want the words to be perfect..precise...
It has to be the moment that is written..faultless...
...And when you finally do open up...
You realize you should have just shut up....that you really shouldn't have..
....

So many times you have stopped yourself from reaching out..
speaking out....
Always waiting for the right time...
But the time you think is right..Is not always the right time..
You end up wishing you said nothing....
You wish you ignored it......

Even when you think you have read the signs..
So clearly...
When you decide to let it flow
Releasing your mind from the torture of being a prisoner of all the unsaid...
You take a deep breath and decide its now or never...
You feel that its the time... time to say what you feel inside....
..............but when you finally do
...you realize it was a bad idea..
You shouldn't have...
The tiny voices in your head that were dictating you to say...now are there no more..
Awkwardness....Embarrassment....
You are left with a resounding feeling of rejection..
You feel foolish....
You were not guided well.....
Why did i follow my instinct..why did i listen to the voices..you ask....

Truth is;not saying is a burden
Most are heavy laden with the unspoken...
They fear..rejection
They fear to be mocked......
They don't want to deal with the unexpected response....
Silence plays...it seems wise...
But how long will your mind remain in limbo with all these thoughts...
How long will you let yourself be driven insane with the unspoken...
How long will you keep mum just not to be rejected....
Is it better to be tortured in silence..or to speak and be free...


Emotions....the battle we fight everyday..
Feelings....the load we carry on our shoulders every single minute
SILENCE........the cowardly way we refuse to deal..to live life....
The unspoken word....choking the life out of us everyday....
But are we bold enough..to SAY IT.....and at what price?

Take A Walk With Me..

As i walk in the labyrinth of life.....
i see things...most of them saddening...
..the atrocities...the shame...the madness of it all...
..am saddened and humbled at how lucky I am...


I see a mother..holding her 4 month old baby....
weeping..wailing screaming in agony....
blood all over her clothes....on the shawl covering her child...
what monstrosity....what evil....
an infant raped....a future destroyed....
Her once bundle of joy...now lying lifeless in her arms...
I can feel the anguish in her soul;her spirit shattered...
They have taken away her life..her joy..her happiness..
why did this have to happen...why why why... she asks....
There is SILENCE....no answers..just pain staring back at her....emptiness..

I see her eyes staring into space...no more hope..she wants to die...she has no reason to live...
I cry..my heart bleeds...what can i do..how do i take the pain away...
How many tears will it take..to wash her pain away....
How many loving embraces will it take for her to feel whole again...
How many words will it take...to mend her soul and her spirit.....
I feel helpless and disjointed....



I see another woman lying on the hospital bed..
bruises....cuts..broken ribs..slashed face...
Bleeding allover..
She is in intense pain....
I ask myself how could it be....
The one you love and cherish would put u through so much pain....
when does Love turn into something so brutal...
...when does the one u love,become the one u fear and abhor...

I look at her lying there..
Am disturbed..am sad.....pissed off..
I hold her hand....hoping it can relieve her pain...
Tears rolling down my cheeks...am trying to keep it inside...
But..i cant....
I feel like my soul is being whipped..my body aching allover....
am shaking and trembling...i have no more strength..
I can't keep it together anymore.....

Asking why...why did this happen....
...and again..there is SILENCE...only anguish and bitterness glaring back at us..
I take her in my arms and hold her...we both cry....for hours and hours...

I see people..struggling..people in pain...people in despair....
Am i just a passer by?..a spectator??....

....I think to myself;am comfortable why should i care....??
why should i carry other people's burdens...
Its not me..its them...

.............BUT it still gets me....
..........it bothers me...
If i could..i would...make it all go away...
..but that's not how it works....this is the life...this is the world we live in
of the haves and have nots..
the givers and the takers...
of those who have wallowed in misery since birth..
...and of those who no nothing of misery....

Is it unfair..YES...is it painful YES..is it sad..YES...
.....but that's the Script of LIFE.....

Conflicts of I..

Sometimes you want the tenderness; soft feathery touch of the hands…
…..other times you want to feel like the fingers are digging into your skin…


Other days you feel like a warm embrace; the feeling of contentment
..Some days you want a squeeze so hard you can feel the blood flow in your veins…


On occasions you want to feel elegant…long slinky dresses….pristine…cocktails and such…
..Other occasions you want to be rugged, carefree….cat-suits…whips…in the dungeons



Again..there are moments when you feel like a teasing nibble on your neck…
….Other moments you want to experience the grim blood sucking of a vampire…..on your neck


At times you want the Soft and Sweet wet kiss; lingering on your lips…
Other times you want the wholesome, passionate devouring kiss…..



There are days you want a passionate sensual love making at the beach
……other days you want a dark, raw, erotic, hard pounding…

At times you want to stay within the walls of normalcy. Sanity…Pure thoughts
..Other times you want to be in the open fields of insanity, Unconventional…..Dark thoughts…

……….where do YOU draw the line…..do you want to?..........

The Truth Deep Within..

You say that you are free..
.............yet you are a prisoner...tormented.....

you say your spirit is free to fly away like the birds...
........yet it is a captive of your own demons and nightmares..

You say you don't feel any pain...you never shed a tear...
.....Yet you cry every night from the anguish you feel in your soul..


You always have a smile on your face for the world to see...
........Yet you are sad and desolate..feeling shunned by the rest of the world....


You say you are numb...emotionless.....
................Yet you are almost drowning from an avalanche of emotions...

You say all is well and you are at peace...
.....Yet you are stuck in a jungle..nowhere to run..disturbed and in despair....


You say you are in control of every facet of your life...
.......Yet you have lost your grip...you are struggling to keep it together...


You say you don't want him....or her...
..yet you yearn and long for him...her for days on end...


You say that you are untouched..devoid of any form of reaction....
...Yet you are bothered...you are angered..you are moved....


You say it is not....
...YET IT IS.......

Simple Things

Sweet Jazzy tunes on a Sunday afternoon..
Your favourite song on replay.......
Incense..burning....flooding the air...
Scented candles...sweet french vanilla...
Black rose petals allover the french marble floor....
Love pillows..covered in organza..
Scarlet satin...

Intoxicating scents of jasmine and lavender....
Cool ocean breeze against the skin...
The Smoothness of chocolate butter....

The Glossy look of a well polished jet black vintage car...
the year.... 1975
The delicateness of a porcelain vase...

The feel of fresh green grass on your bare feet...
The Thundering sound of the waterfall against the rocks....
The chirping sounds of the birds at night...wanting to mate...

The warmth of the early morning sunshine on your face...
The breathtaking sunset.....
The sound of the rain on a tin roofed cabin....

The feathery touch of his hand against your inner thigh....
The warm breath...on your neck....
The deep passionate kisses.....
The tingle between your legs.....

The feel of silk sheets on your nakedness...
The feeling of his hardness inside of you...
The mind blowing orgasm.......

.......SIMPLICITY TAKES THE CENTER STAGE OF BEAUTY & PLEASURE......